PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
