I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
