Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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