whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
