What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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