Define "chronic" masturbator.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
