Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
