Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
