U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
