dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she told me i tasted like america
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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