seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
