it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
