dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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