our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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