i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
