"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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