Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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