im gay
i know
yea but for you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
