i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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