So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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