My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
