I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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