Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
