I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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