im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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