Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
