i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
