Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this just has baby written all over it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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