when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
