i permit you to call me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
