Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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