chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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