I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
