so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
