I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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