I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
