It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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