i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
