ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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