Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
