Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
