Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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