looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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