By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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