$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize