Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
