I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We need to get me chipped asap
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
