Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
