he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
