Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
