Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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