I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
