I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
