I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize