So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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