I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
