I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
