i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
