They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
