Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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