It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
